Finally I felt relief from the constant sense of anxiety, stress and futility. I realised that I could choose to end my misery. To exit this meaningless life. There could be an end to my depression and self-loathing.
Depression, as a Means of Spiritual Growth
That realisation gave me strength to dig deeper, energy to at least try once more to change my life - how I felt, find meaning, discover my place in life. Thus began my journey of Self-discovery.
We Can Feel Better, Consistently
I discovered that I can feel better. But it takes consistent practice. How I feel is determined by my perspective - my self-concept from which I see myself and the world around me. And my self-concept dictates what meaning I assign to everything happening around and to me, including my thoughts.
We Can Change
Yes, we can change our self-concept. Regardless of circumstances. Even more-so, to change our circumstances, we have to change ourselves first. We need to change within - our self-concept - if we wish to change our outer world and circumstances, including our reactions, thoughts and feelings.
Change Requires Change
This obvious, matter of fact idea was a surprising and hard lesson for me. The idea that to change, we really need to change. Not just read books, attend workshops, discuss self-help/spiritual topics with like-minded folks, meditate or practice some personal development tools once a day for 15 minutes.
To change ourselves and our lives, we have to change - the inner state-of-being or self-concept from which we think, feel, act, how we see ourselves and our world, what meaning we assign to everything.
In other words, we have to die to our old self, to be reborn.
Depression, experiencing the Dark Night of the Soul, in my opinion, is designed to facilitate this process of re-birth.
All is Within
The good news is that everything needed for us to change is within us. We are fully qualified and capable of changing our own consciousness. We have the innate power to change. No need to ask permission from anybody.
We are not powerless! We were not given a consciousness that determines our life experience, but no tools, guidance or power to change it.
Imagination is the language of our consciousness. Feelings and intuition are our guides.
In short - we change by changing our consciousness, our state-of-being or self-concept - and we already possess everything needed to do that.
Path to Mastery
Make no mistake - this is a journey, and it will take all your life. The path to Mastery of Self is never-ending. And it’s good, because the journey is the reward.
There is always more - more to explore, to play with, have fun with, more to become and experience, more to feel, sense and know.
Shall we begin?
Somewhere in the Northern Europe